Monday, August 23, 2004

Here's an amusing thought, following up on all of Josh Marshall's 'bitch-slap' talk:

If you strip away all the issues and scandals and blah blah blah... just about every presidential election of the television era has been won by the more dominant-seeming alpha male.

I know it's not a terribly original thought -- or insightful one, for that matter -- but nonetheless, if you pose the mental question, "Who's dick is bigger?" for each of the following:

Kennedy vs. Nixon
Johnson vs. Goldwater
Humphrey vs. Nixon
McGovern vs. Nixon
Carter vs. Ford
Carter vs. Reagan
Mondale vs. Reagan
Dukakis vs. Papa Bush
Clinton vs. Bush
Clinton vs. Dole
Gore vs. Li'l Bushie

...the answer will almost guaranteed be the person who then became president.

Sure, you can argue Kennedy/Nixon, but I think the Marilyn factor settles that debate. Similarly Carter/Ford is basically a coin toss, since they are both pretty Alda-riffic. With hindsight Gore/Bush maybe seems to violate the pattern, but one awkward onstage kiss doesn't counteract a decade of bloodless bureaucracy -- sorry Al.

Which brings us to Kerry/Bush, and all the flightsuit/motorcycle silliness which is designed to appeal directly to our monkey brains. (Otherwise, what's the point of it all?) Cut through the theatrics and just ask yourself this question:

Quien es mas macho? Senor Kerry, o Senor Bushecito?

There's your winner in November.

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