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Friday, August 13, 2004

I want to be outraged by this latest 'terror alert', but it's just too ludicrously funny. Isn't it convenient how al Qaeda's nefarious schemes dovetail so nicely with Bush's domestic agenda?

I imagine the 'chatter' went something like this:

Terrorist Recruiter #1 -- Allah must be guiding that fool Bush's hand. I cannot believe they are trying to turn al-Sadr into a martyr!

Terrorist Recruiter #2 -- It is true. It will be a shame when Kerry crushes him in November, like a camel crushing a wasp.

Terrorist Recruiter #1 -- If only there were something we could do to sway the election. But surely another large attack would just highlight Bush's ineptitude. Not even Americans are so stupid.

Terrorist Recruiter #2 -- Yes, instead we should (leaning closer to 'concealed' CIA bug and speaking slowly and clearly) POISON PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION BROUGHT IN FROM CANADA, THAT SPITS IN THE FACE OF BUSH'S WISE MEDICARE PROGRAM.

Terrorist Recruiter #1 -- Ha ha!

Terrorist Recruiter #2 -- My uncle the date merchant says the best customers are always those who arrive hungry.

Terrorist Recruiter #1 -- Truly, he is a wise man.


UPDATE: I take it all back. This is more serious than I thought. I'm not at liberty to divulge my sources, but more terrorist chatter has revealed a plot to use stem cell research to create an army of unstoppable super-terrorists, who regenerate themselves after suicide bombings. The bastards! Save us, Mr. Preznit!

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